There’s nothing more painful than discovering that someone you hold dear has done something to break your trust. Moving forward after trust has been broken in a relationship is difficult, but it’s not impossible. Having been through it a time or two myself, I’ve picked up a few tricks that have really helped me cope with the hurt and resulting feelings of betrayal. And, now, I want to share them with you…
- It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them – Whatever their reason, remember that, when someone breaks your trust, it has nothing to do with you. They’re the one who decided to do something that would affect your trust in the relationship – not you! Maybe it was intentional. Maybe it wasn’t. Either way, that person has to work it out within themselves. So, don’t blame yourself or question what you did, because you didn’t do anything!
- Don’t feel bad for someone else’s behaviour – I was the queen of feeling bad because of someone else’s behaviour. But why, I wondered? It was their behaviour that caused the trust to be broken. Still, I’d constantly beat myself up thinking I’d done something wrong when, in fact, I’d done nothing. So, I made a vow that I wouldn’t dwell on the broken relationship. Instead, I’d pray for the person who’d done me wrong. It may sound corny to some, but praying for them actually helped me feel better about the situation.
- “When they go low, you go high” (Michelle Obama) – It’s very easy to get revenge and to hurt the person the way they hurt you, but the resulting feelings aren’t pleasant at all. Besides, what good is getting revenge? Doing the same thing that was done to you doesn’t make it better. Instead, choosing to rise above the actions of another and to soar high amounts to wind at your back. I really appreciate Michelle Obama’s words because we need better examples in the world, not continuously recycled behaviours.
- Forgive them – Yes, I said it! I try my best to practice what I’m learning on my journey, but, yes, it’s challenging to forgive someone who’s hurt you…very challenging! But, it’s also liberating at the same time. Sometimes I wanted to stay angry at them, and I even had thoughts of revenge, but it’s not worth my energy, I realized. Although we’ve all heard the saying, “forgiveness is for you, not for the other person,” we sometimes ignore it and continue to hold malice in our hearts because we want them to feel the pain we feel. We want them to know what that trust really meant. But, trust me when I say that holding on to the resentment and the anger and the hurt doesn’t help – it sure didn’t help me. All it did was have me all up in my feelings, which led to me being stuck.
- You don’t have to keep ties – Not everyone you forgive deserves to stay in your life. I don’t know if I said this or if I read it somewhere, but I had to learn this the hard way. Not everyone who crosses you deserves a second a chance to do it again. Then again, maybe some do deserve a second chance because you know they’ve learned their lesson and believe they won’t make the same mistake twice…or maybe they will. Either way, the choice of whether they stay in your life or get cut off is ultimately up to you. Only you can decide what’s best for you –so choose well. Life is choice driven, lovelies!
From my journey to you
K.G