Who Were You Before the Pain?

This question is one of the first questions I had to answer when I first set out on my healing journey. I figured if I can answer this question, I would remember what life felt like before the pain. Once I learned these answers, I was able to see how far from my true self I had grown over the years. It helped me to realize that it was imperative for me to start the healing work. 

This is the question you have to reflect on in all honesty and bravery in order to begin the process of healing. It’s the moment when you get real with yourself— the instant you look in the mirror, and learn exactly who you have become. It’s the question that requires a box of Kleenex, because it’s the answer(s) that will bring tears to your eyes; without any words even being able to leave your mouth –it’s an intense moment. A lip clenching, red, teary, squinting eye moment. It’s when your tears can only express what your heart has been holding. It’s the moment when you begin to remove the layers of the mask you used to hide your pain. It’s when you discover the start of your trauma, and the reason for your mistakes. Once you have the answer(s), that’s when the journey begins—because self-awareness must come before change. 

Before the heartbreak, anxiety, depression, anger, frustration and any other emotions exhibited, ask yourself: who was I before all of the pain? 

Let me express who I was to give you an idea.

Before the Pain: I was a secured young lady full of confidence that didn’t live in fear. I felt loved. I felt like I had a place to belong. I was happy. I gave people trust. In no way whatsoever was I living in survival mode; I was happy enjoying life. I was a go-getter, not someone who struggled with completion because I started to fear failure, or worried if things worked out that it wouldn’t last. I had patience. I took great pleasure in doing things for others. Before the pain I was living— not just alive. 

The moment you reflect on this question, you’ll find the answers you’re looking for and what you do with these answers will determine if you’re ready and willing to begin to do the work necessary to heal. 

So, ask yourself, who was I before all the pain? 

I can’t promise you that this one question will heal your broken heart, but I can attest that it will unlock the start to your healing process. You will remember a time when you were at your best, and you will question everything that happened to take you away from that moment—and in that self-reflection, you will begin to unlock the reason behind your pain.  

I encourage you to begin the work, and continue the work, until you reach a place in your life where you’re not just alive, but you’re living.

From my journey to yours.