On June 28th, 2023, I sat over the toilet in my powder room to take a pregnancy test. As soon as I place it on the dryer, I immediately realized a line started to appear, then I saw another line appear right beside it; I was like,  “great I’m not pregnant”! 

My anxiety quickly went down, and a sense of relief took over for a second; but my calmness was short lived. After reading the box, and dropping it on the floor in disbelief, I realized what the two lines actually meant— I was indeed pregnant! 

I was in shock. 

A flood of questions came rushing in, occupying my mind. I couldn’t believe that I finally was pregnant! I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy because the path to get to this point was challenging since being diagnosed with fibroids, and despite me undergoing surgery to remove them in 2018, in 2023 I found out they had unfortunately returned.

I literally given up on the idea of having children, so realizing I was actually pregnant filled me with so much joy. However, there was a part of me that felt sad because I was going to be bringing forth a child in a home that would no longer consists of two parents, and that solid foundation. 

I made a few mistakes in life; and I got a lot of things right in life— but children and building a home is one that I desired to get right. Not primarily for me, but for the life I always envisioned of bringing into this world. I wanted to do things the healthy way, different than what I had seen growing up— and what I see daily in my career.

Being a mom can be profoundly rewarding, but it’s also incredibly challenging. It asks you to stretch in every direction at once—physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally—often on very little sleep and even less time for yourself!

Unfortunately, the journey to motherhood wasn’t a great start; it came with many highs and some lows, and it didn’t play out the way I always dreamed it to be—but in retrospect it definitely worked out in God’s glory.

The constant responsibility of caring for another human being can feel so overwhelming, and the pressure to “do it right” adds a layer of invisible weight. Even in the most joyful moments, there can be loneliness, exhaustion, guilt, or self-doubt. Yet, mothers keep showing up and learning as they go, giving love even when they feel empty, and finding strength in places they didn’t know existed.

Throughout this series titled, “Motherhood”, I give you an in-depth look into my first twenty-two months as a mother. I share my experience and the lessons that followed. I explore how much motherhood forced me to level up, and showed me things about myself that I didn’t realize. I also share some moments that broke my heart, but strengthened my character. 

My hope for my readers is that every young girl who doesn’t have children can learn from my experience, that every mother who is showing up daily for their children knows that they aren’t alone— and that they are truly covered by grace, and every Father can understand in the most simple ways how we need them as a supportive partner, and how truly important their presence means to us as mothers, and children. 

See you again for Motherhood Part 2 on Sunday.

With Love,

Keemahg