Hello Dear Readers,

Welcome back to Part three of my motherhood series. 

I hope that in reading last week’s post (Motherhood – The Promise Unfolding – Beauty, Mental Health & Wellness | Keemah G Lifestyle ), you were able to relate and connect with my experience— in whatever way you needed in order to support you on your own journey. 

In part one and two, I shared with you when I first found out I was pregnant, and the thoughts that came to mind. In part two, I explained my struggle with shame.

If you haven’t read them yet, and you’re just joining us, I encourage you to go back and read the first two posts. 

For now, let me continue to share this journey. 

Even in that one little moment of me contemplating having an abortion, I already felt a deep connection to the child growing in the sacred walls of my womb; it’s like I already knew him or her. So, to think of even aborting my child made me realize that my spirit was in a very dark place. 

In retrospect, it was fear that came in the form of anxiety, mixed with a pinch of depression, that assumed control over my mind— and lead me to think of not birthing this precious life I created.

Everything that had happened in the first trimester between the father of my unborn child and I, created a sense of discomfort and distaste, and my spirit was a bit broken. 

I was disappointed in the fact that I trusted him enough to do right by me in case anything like this was ever to happen and unfortunately we would no longer be in a relationship. However, this was a hope that only manifested in the second trimester, and it felt like an emotional roller coaster throughout the entire experience. 

Note: I want to be clear that I’m writing this to share my experience, and hopefully someone can take something from it. So, in no way is this a post meant to bash the father of my children. Relationships go through high and low moments, and children can be the cause of those moments too. 

Moving along…

Sadly, I felt abandoned in my first trimester by the one person that promised they wouldn’t leave me to do this journey alone. I also felt the rejection for my unborn child, and I felt disappointed in myself more than anyone else.

Once I was able to get out of all those overwhelming emotions, and think more logically; I remembered how much I longed to be pregnant, and have a little family to call my own. I told myself that I wasn’t going to allow the behaviour of someone else to determine how I would embrace this moment. This was an answered prayer unfolding before my eyes, so why would I let anyone, or anything steal my joy? So…I accepted my new reality. 

I told myself that I would rock this pregnancy; as fly and healthily as I could do it! I started eating way healthier. I started my vitamins immediately, and I began to do research, and watch videos to learn about pregnancy and motherhood. I prayed daily for the healthy development of my child, and in the first trimester I begged God not to have any morning sickness—and guess what? No morning sickness! 

I fully embraced the present and lived in the moment. Yes, at times those overwhelming feelings resurfaced, but with a few good friends and cousins, I was able to refocus and get back to enjoying my pregnancy. 

August 1, 2023 came around the corner, and this was the day my appointment was scheduled to check the viability of my pregnancy. I was super excited to hear the heartbeat. “Sweaty palms”, would be an understatement to describe the eagerness I was feeling in that moment.

When the technician was finding my baby on the monitor, and showed me him/her in the form of a dark spot, I felt peace settling in my spirit, reminding me that everything would work out. I questioned what was the other dark spot right beside it, because throughout the exam it was very apparent that there was another dark spot chilling in the womb. That’s when she said, “let me see…oh my God, I believe there are two babies, there is, you’re having twins”! 

I started to laugh uncontrollably, and I was in complete disbelief. Two children at once—life really was about to change, but I was happy and grateful. There was a time I thought I couldn’t carry one, so to be blessed with two children at once, was more than what I prayed for in the private walls of my bedroom. 

I told the three people, my two cousins that knew I was pregnant, Latifa and Lakeishia, and by that time, my children’s Grandmother knew as well. So the next day, I sent her a text, and it read, “Hey Audrey, I went to the doctor yesterday to hear the heart beat and check the viability of my pregnancy and everything was good! I also was surprised to learn that there are two babies, twins and they will be identical…just thought I would let you know ”. She immediately called me, and said with her Jamaican accent, “brethren, ya lie”, and we laughed. 

Someone told me throughout my pregnancy that “even though it may not be the right frame, God always paints the perfect picture”, and he sure did! 

In the end, what felt like an impossible crossroads became a moment of clarity. I realized that my worth—and the worth of the life growing inside me—couldn’t be measured by the uncertainty of a relationship. Yes, the road ahead may look different from what I had once imagined, and yes, the doubts were real. But so was my strength. So was my capacity to love, to protect, and to rebuild.

Stepping away from the fear, and embracing the possibility of becoming a single mother wasn’t a sign of defeat—it was a declaration of hope. A reminder that I was capable of creating a future filled with stability, joy, and purpose—even if it didn’t t follow the path I had originally planned.

This journey may be challenging, but it is mine. And as I choose to move forward with courage and clarity, I’m learning that sometimes the most powerful family stories begin in the moments when we decide to stand up for ourselves, and the lives we’re entrusted to nurture.

With love, Keemah G.