Dear Men 1 – Women Are Not Your Enemy

In my new series called, “Dear Men”, I will be speaking to men from the heart of a good woman. While all men can take in this series, a few of the blogs will be targeted directly towards Black men. 

It is no secret that in the Black community the relationship between men and women has been a struggle. This can be contributed to the removal of fathers in the homes, and whether people like to admit it, or not, this has plagued our community for years.

The absence of a male figure in Black homes has forced women to take on the role of the man in the home—which is an impossible role. Many sons in the Black community have grown up trying to fulfill the role of their absent father, causing them to miss out on simply being a child. Some have also missed out on seeing a man in the home, and had to navigate learning what it means to be a man through trial and error. 

Many daughters have grown up without Fathers, making it difficult for them to understand how to establish healthy relationships with a man. Some women also grew up watching their mother do everything without a man, and have subconsciously adopted the same attitude—leaving very little room for a man to come into their life. 

For the most part, having had the privilege to observe a healthy family dynamic between a man and woman in the home wasn’t the norm in the black community. 

So, while a lot of what you will read about in this series can speak to all men in general; a few of these articles will be whispering to the hearts of Black men. 

This series will not be a bashing festival of men, rather,  an open dialogue to help bridge the gap. 

Dear Men: Women Are Not Your Enemy

It’s close to impossible to turn on the TV, sign-in to social media, listen to a podcast/radio, or socialize with our peers, without hearing or speaking of relationships. 

Genders (male & female) are at war; men are complaining about women, women are complaining about men. Very rarely do we hear, or see, platforms speaking about healthy, thriving relationships, much less ones that are targeted towards keeping families together. 

Many people are broken, many homes are broken, and having a community to offer support is slowly disappearing into thin air.

The lack of accountability, and consequential blame game, are prominent on both sides; and it’s becoming a world of division and delusion, as many people rather be prideful than seek understanding.

Men, we (women) are not your enemy.

I say this because there are people on social media with big mouths that try to lead others (with their own shitty experiences as the norm), and this has caused so much division between men and women. 

As a result, I believe that it has conditioned many men, especially the young men (I work with them), to believe that women are monolithic, and that can’t be further then the truth.

I’ve heard so many wild things about women on social media. For instance, “women aren’t feminine anymore”, “Women act like they don’t need a man”, “Women are wicked”, “Women have lost their standards”, or the most entertained comment that you can find on every single podcast, “Women aren’t submissive” etc.

While this is the truth for some, it’s not the truth for all, and for the ones that can identify with these criticisms, they have their reasons—and that’s the part that needs a deeper understanding.

There are many good women (not perfect, because that’s impossible) that are ready to start their lives with a man; but if we are going to honest and transparent, there aren’t too many men available that have reached that same point in their own lives. 

Men, sometimes you don’t understand us as women, which makes sense, as you aren’t having the same internal experience as us. You have no idea of what it means to be a woman, and we also have no idea of what it means to be a man. 

The  journey we go on when we commit ourselves to one another makes the experience of a relationship between man and woman so interesting. We get the chance to learn and to serve one another. But, sometimes what gets in the way of having these beautiful experiences is faulty upbringing, broken homes, and our own unhealed wounds. We can be our own worst enemy at times!

Men, we are not your enemy at all, and I say this too, for the women who do identify with the criticism of the “modern-day” woman. I think a vast majority of women, if not all, desire to love and be loved. Many have been hurt, constantly disappointed, and have been easily discouraged, so they adopted the “I don’t need a man” attitude. It’s a defense mechanism! 

So, men, once again, we are not you enemy. 

I imagine if we can listen to each other with the intention to comprehend one another on a deeper level, we could really see relationships prosper.

Welcome to the series, “Dear Men”.