Dear Men 6 – Please Heal Your Wounds

Hello readers,

I have been away for a while, meditating on the last two blog posts of this series. I’ve done my best to gather my thoughts, and prepare my words, as I want them to be truly heard, and not only seen. 

This 7-part series are letters written to men that address issues that I believe are misconstrued by men when it relates to women in relationships. I also share a couple of general thoughts with men on behalf of women that I believe are substantial to connecting with a woman. 

The goal of this series is to awaken the thoughts of men, and to start having conversations that will cultivate healthier relationships, and silence the rhetoric that society and mainstream media use to divide men and women.

If you’re joining us for the first time, you will need to catch up by reading the 5 previous posts of this series. Or, you can start here and work your way back—it’s up to you. Regardless, I thank you for joining us. 

I will first begin by saying that I have no clue how it feels to be a man, but more so, a Black man. I can’t relate to being a man, but I can relate to being Black. I don’t have the same experiences as a man, but in the area of being Black, we can probably exchange similar stories in some scenarios. 

When I learn of the experiences of men, I can only listen, and do my best to empathize with their journeys.

However, through my experiences and listening to men, I learned that many are still carrying unhealed wounds. 

Dear Men: please heal your wounds. 

I write this as an expression of the heart, and not as an attack on men. I have to explain this because I know some will read and feel offended, and others would think I’m passing my place, some will say, “women love to play the victim”, and then there are the people that completely understand the true intentions of this written content. 

Men, there are many good women out here who have come into your life with great intentions. They have intentions to serve you, to love you, respect you, and grow with you. However, many have been at the end of your brokenness, and left relationships depleted and broken themselves because of your unhealed wounds. 

We know that men aren’t ones to open up easily, or at all, but this very struggle is what contributes to the malfunction in some relationships. 

The truth is, some women have created that safe space for you, but often times it feels like no matter how much we allow the space to exist, some men never seek refuge in that space.

We don’t always get it right as women, but a good one will own their mistakes—all we ask for is grace, much like we’ve given you, time and time again. 

Men, at some point you have to start having the conversations you have with yourself in your head, with the person you’re doing life with, without the fear of looking like less of a man. You actually look more manly to us when you can express your thoughts, feelings and concerns maturely— it’s VERY attractive! 

Often times, when some men do express themselves, it comes in the form of anger, and it’s usually during an argument. Sadly, for some, it doesn’t even take an argument. 

Anger is a sign of weakness because it’s letting others know you’re hurting, and you haven’t found another way to cope with your emotions. I personally believe that weakness is a part of a healthy life—it all depends on how you respond to it. The reality is: we can’t always be full of strength, as life has its ups and downs. Consequently, there should be no shame when it comes to having a moment of weakness, better yet, it should be looked as a sign of basic humanity and strength.

Men, I know that society created this notion that you can only have and express one emotion, and it’s anger, but you know, and I know, that isn’t true. This notion is what helped destroy relationships for hundreds of years, and it has caused women to break down, and still does to this day. I think it’s safe to say that society got it wrong! 

To be quite frank, society got a lot of things wrong, like the praise men often times give each other for being dishonest and disloyal to their woman. 

As someone who’s been cheated on in my past, it’s not a good feeling at all. It’s messy, toxic, and it leaves spiritual wounds on the person.

Some will argue and say, it’s just a part of being a man, but I will differ from believing in those easily influenced excuses that people have adopted. 

Men, when you lay with another woman, entertain another woman in replacement of your own, you’re violating the person you love, and what may just be “cookies” and a method to validate your ego, is a spiritual betrayal for her. Mistakes can happen, but repeated mistakes are choices, and one’s we all have to live with when we do things, while we’re in a committed relationship. 

The question is: why? 

You can always be single. Let the women you acquaint yourselves with know you aren’t interested in a relationship, or better yet, that you want to live a polygamous lifestyle and do your thing. Give her the choice to choose, but don’t violate her trust and her heart. Dishonesty and disloyalty shouldn’t be justified as it’s not a part of being a man— it’s a character flaw. 

Men, I don’t expect you to be perfect, or have it all figured out, but I believe in order for us to thrive in a relationship, we have to show up self-aware, and with integrity, and committed to growth—all the other things will come after. 

If there’s no self-awareness, there is no growth. If there is no integrity, it will be easy to compromise the relationship, and if there is no commitment to growth, we remain stuck, and, ultimately create unhealthy cycles. 

Men, we need you to heal your wounds. We need you to show up as best as you can, while you continue doing the inner work to keep growing. Many good woman have been bled on by the wounds you carry, and while we have carried on with grace, we need you to pick up the pace and do the work. 

Dear Men: please heal your wounds.

Love & respect,

Kee.