Compassion Taken for Granted – Why it Does not Matter?

Compassion is a beautiful characteristic; but it can also be the same beauty of a person that others may take for granted…

Compassion is defined as “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with the desire to alleviate it”. 

In other words, if a person is going through a difficult moment in their life, and we are a witness to their struggles, as a compassionate person, we will feel motivated to help relieve them of this suffering by offering to help.

A struggle of mine throughout the years has been knowing who to offer compassion to, and who to merely offer a listening ear, and a space of empathy. 

Why?

I always believed that if it was in my power to help someone in a difficult moment, then that’s what I was going to do: show up and be a support. I believe this is a great mentality to have in relationships. However, over the years, I felt my compassion towards others was taken for granted, especially from people with an ungrateful spirit. 

While writing this blog, I realized that not everyone’s distressful moments require compassion; when we are compassionate towards another person, we absolutely don’t need their validation. 

Let me further explain…

When I first started writing this blog, I wanted to express how to protect yourself from being misused while demonstrating compassion. As I began writing, I received a revelation where it pertains to compassion. 

Revelation: 

I was gearing up to express how to be selective when helping others— all in the name of “protecting your peace”. However, if we have to be selective, then how much of our helpful behaviors are about the person? If we are choosy, we are making it more about ourselves instead of the other person, and this is definitely not compassion. 

Nevertheless, I can definitely understand why many people are careful with who they give their time and energy to, because past experiences, much like mine, of ungrateful people, have made me feel like my support wasn’t appreciated—and if we are keeping it honest, it isn’t always a good feeling. 

In retrospect, some of the experiences I went through that made me believe being a “selective compassionate” (I made up this term lol) was the new approach I would take when it pertains to who is deserving of my compassion, was solely based on me not wanting to be taken for granted, or feeling unappreciated.

Listen, what I know to be true is that demonstrating compassion towards another person has nothing to do with ourselves; we have to stop taking it personal. When we operate in a compassionate way, we are literally of service to someone else, and the aftermath of their behaviour towards our act of kindness is irrelevant. 

If we choose to help someone, we must do so with a willing heart, and keep it moving – sometimes in life that is probably the only reason why we are in that person’s life. So, it really doesn’t matter if people took you for granted — if anyone is at loss, it’s them. 

The other side to this is that sometimes we mistake a moment of empathy for a moment of compassion. Not everyone’s distressful moments require compassion. Often times, what I’m observing is that most people just want a sounding board—they’ll find a solution to their problems on their own. 

Subsequently, there is no need to withhold being compassionate, especially if that’s who you truly are as a person. Before walking into situations and throwing all that compassion in the air, make sure that’s what the person needs—but whatever it is, expect absolutely nothing in return! 

From my journey to yours.