Dear Men 3 – Why and When women Trust Your Leadership

Hey Readers, 

I’m back again with part 3 to the series, “Dear Men”. 

In part 2 of this series, I touched on the concept of submission in a relationship, and how many women want to submit in a relationship, contrary to what society has depicted. I shared my point of view based on my perspective, and the very many other women I have connected with over the years. 

Just a small reminder to those who are joining me for the first time, this isn’t a bashing monologue on men; it’s a place to gain the perspective from a woman on relationships, and to help bridge the gap between men and women.

Dear Men (Part 3): Why Woman Believe You Can lead? 

A good woman knows that leadership comes with a lot of responsibilities, and, as a result, it requires a man to constantly show up in order to direct the path for his family. 

As women, we can only imagine the weight that comes with that role. Many of us definitely take it into account, especially when our man is making sacrifices, and making the family a priority.

Since we’re all living this human experience, it’s inevitable that we have moments when our leadership skills aren’t at their best, and we make mistakes—that’s completely understandable. In my opinion, most days should be a hit; and every now and then, it’s completely normal to have a miss. In a healthy relationship, it’s on those missed days that a good woman will step up if her man needs her to, and this doesn’t take away from him being a man.

My physical trainer, Coach K said it best using this example, “If I’m driving with my wife, and I get tired, she will take over the driver spot and lead the way, and this doesn’t make me any less of a man”. Simply put: sometimes leaders have to lead from the back.

A good woman understands this all too well! 

Men, as many of us know, trust is a big factor and component to any relationship, and even more important for a woman to follow your lead. 

So, why do we believe you can lead?

I can’t speak for all, but for myself, and for the women I’ve conversed with over the years, we believe a man can lead because in the process of getting to know you, you have demonstrated leadership skills. 

You took the initiative, you communicated effectively, you operated with purpose, you handled conflict maturely, you had a plan for your future, or were in the process of exploring plans, etc., your guidance never left a woman astray. Ultimately, by seeing you blossom in your manhood, it makes a woman want to follow in your footsteps. So, these are some of the very many reasons why we believe you can, and hopefully will, lead.

When do we follow your leadership?

When you are a man of your word. 

In my opinion, following through with what you say is by far the best way to establish trust in the relationship. Not only that, but it’s quite attractive too! 

When you say you’re going to do something, and you make it a point to get it done; it builds the trust that we need to have faith in your judgment and decisions. 

When your commitment to the relationship is fully dedicated to the union, this reassures the woman on where she stands, and it removes any room for confusion. This also makes it quite simple to follow your leadership, because instead of operating in the “me, me, me” frame of mind, you’re now thinking of “Us”. And, if we’re going to be honest, any leader with selfish, and self-centered behaviours, wouldn’t be too inspiring, and less likely to be the one chosen to follow.

When the trust and honour we have in you is completely secured, for us as good woman, we would move mountains for our man (husband). We would happily surrender to our own desires for our man’s and the collective (family). We’re never promising perfect; but respectful, accountable, and reflective is the benefits of having a good woman. 

Men, a lot of woman empathize with the weight that comes with being a leader. We know it comes with highs and some lows, and it can never really be one that’s a simple road to travel. I believe that many women don’t expect a perfect man, but many women desire a man that can lead. 

Historically, for many Black men, having the leadership role of a man growing up has been stripped away. Either by the system, or the decision of their fathers to be absent in their son’s life. Therefore, we understand that for some, leadership skills in a relationship continues to be a work in progress. 

So, does that mean that because it’s a work in progress that you got to stay away, and be alone? 

No. 

I believe that it just means that in certain situations, you might need to continue to develop in that area or lead from the back; and that self-awareness is what makes you a better man. 

With love,

Kee