Dear Men 5 – We Are Just Different

Hello Readers,
I’m back again with Part 5 to the series “Dear Men”.

In this series, I’ve written to men directly, hoping to share the perspective of a woman regarding relationships.

My goal for this series is to speak from a place where men and women can listen to understand; and by doing this, I believe I can begin the conversation about lessening the rhetoric that mainstream media and social media spews everyday about relationships, which only continues to divide men and women.

If you’re just joining us, go ahead and read the series from the beginning, and leave me your thoughts. If not, let’s continue onto part 5.

Dear men (Part 5): We are just different.

Woman operate differently from men, and with all conviction, I know that it was designed like this to create a perfect balance between two opposite human beings.

But, if this is the perfect balance, why are men and women separating at a higher rate and relationships not lasting long?

What if the reason why many relationships are struggling in society is because we have overlooked the significance of learning what naturally makes us women and men; and how the two can naturally weave together to make one of the best unions on earth?

My sister and I often speak about understanding the opposite sex in relationships, and how the lack of understanding plays a role in the high rates of divorce and breakups.

I believe that if we(men/women) could focus on, and learn to love, what naturally makes us different, instead of trying to change one another to fit our own personal agendas, there would be more victories instead of defeats when it comes to cultivating long-term healthy relationships.

I personally believe that some of the reasons we see a lot of relationships failing is due to a lack of understanding of what it is to be a woman/man, and the effort to learn the needs of our partners.

In retrospect, I can attest that these were some of the reasons why a few of my past relationships resulted in a breakup.

Throughout most of my relationships, I often experienced being misunderstood, and giving more into the relationship, while always receiving less. When I reflected on the past, I realized that some of the men I dated struggled to understand me as a woman— but I think it’s fair to say that this wisdom comes with seeing it in your life growing up and maturity and both neither of the acquired.

Men, we are just different from you; and I stand confident now, knowing that it’s supposed to be this way.

I think it’s safe to say that as women, we express our emotions differently than men, and when we do, we have a need to be heard. This is the most important thing as a woman that sets us apart from men. Granted, sometimes we pick the wrong times to express our emotions, and regulating them is an everyday learning process, and it is where we can most likely use the support of our man.

Men, if a woman goes to you with anything, take it as a compliment, because that means she trusts you and your judgement. It’s important to have patience with us, be gentle, and do your best not to shut us down. Every time you shut her down, and avoid being an active listener, you push her further away. We need this as women, and it’s not in a needy way; but it’s a way to meet our needs at the moment.

We are women, not men!

I think I can speak for most women when I say that the way a man connects with us is by having patience. By demonstrating patience, they will understand us way more, and avoid misunderstandings, which is the primary reason for conflicts in relationships. I believe this ultimately creates the balance between a woman and a man; remembering that we aren’t the same.

What comes to mind when I’m writing is the scripture in the bible where it says, “husbands love your wife”. Whether you a believer or not, it makes sense—let me explain.

This verse comes from Ephesians, and it’s the part where it speaks about relationships (marriage), and how to have a healthy one. If a man loves his wife, the first thing he needs to do according to what love is described as, is to have patience. When a man is demonstrating patience, a woman feels loved by him the most. That’s why men are called to love the woman; because by loving her she can be the woman she was designed to be, and naturally the man will be on the receiving end of all the benefits of her flourishing in her womanhood.

The one thing I’m learning as a woman, is to remain in my delicacy, the way in which I was born; to flourish in this no matter the state of the man. I’ve realized how important it is to learn the opposite sex, because some things are just general in men throughout the board. So, I say all this to say, learn your partners and without even having to declare it— understand that woman and men aren’t the same, and it’s okay! It’s perfectly fine to be different— but know the difference.

Love, Kee.