Freedom in forgiveness: lighten the load

Sometimes we tend to take life for granted.

As much as we say life is short, I believe most people aren’t paying attention to time. I say this because I see so many people living with unforgiveness in their heart, and while they probably want to live free and enjoy life to the fullest, they’re stuck in the hurt that they have experienced. I can recognize this in people because I remember the times when I struggled with unforgiveness, so I know what it looks like in people. 

One thing that is true: we can’t confirm our attendance to tomorrow’s life experience. 

We really don’t know how much time we have left. 

We don’t even know what the next day will look like, or what we will be going through. So, is it worth it to sit around and hold onto a situation that is eating away at our spirit? This question is not meant to lack empathy; because forgiveness is not an easy thing to do when someone has hurt you—but it’s possible for anyone that wants to give it a try. 

I believe in forgiveness because I know first-hand the benefits it has on a person’s life, and I also know the dangers it can create in a person’s life. 

For instance, unforgiveness will produce bitterness; the more you continue to replay the offense, the longer it will occupy your thinking and ultimately, it shapes you as a person. Bitterness will invade your life like the plague; and eventually, your thoughts become malignant towards others and you begin to look at life miserably.

When we fail to forgive others, we are keeping the pain alive, and making it difficult to heal and move forward in life. When you think about it, what’s the benefit of unforgiveness? 

unforgiveness just imprisons you in the past, and robs you of the joy of living your best possible life. When you’re living with resentment, it’s like you’re just alive, but you aren’t living.  

So, you’re probably wondering, how do you forgive? Many will argue that forgiveness happens when you feel it, but just like love, I believe forgiveness is choice you make; it’s a part of your character—or at least you can make it a part of it. 

This is what works for me:

First, you have to decide—make the decision to forgive, and when you do, be intentional because it will help when a memory of the situation comes to your mind. 

Self-talk will be your best friend after you decide to forgive because every now and then you will have to remind yourself that you’re choosing forgiveness. It’s naïve to think that you will never think of the situation, especially when it’s fresh. It might sound a bit like this, “Kee, you are not living with resentment, you are choosing to walk in forgiveness so you can live in freedom”. The more you send yourself little reminders, eventually you will master what it is to forgive.

Use empathy—as much as you probably want to be angry at the person who hurt you, try understanding why they would choose to treat someone like they treated you, and understand that it has more to do with them than it has to do with you. Most of the time when people hurt you, they are fighting their own demons. And, remember we are not perfect—there will come a time when we will need to be forgiven for our transgressions. 

Everyone is entitled to redemption—whether you like it or not! People make mistakes, and most times, I believe it’s not intentional. This doesn’t mean that your relationship will remain the same because you chose to forgive them—it means that you are releasing yourself from bitterness, and then from shame and guilt. 

Lastly, stay plugged into the knowledge and wisdom that will allow you to spiritually grow. I firmly believe that when we are spiritually strong, we are more equipped to manage moments of disappointments with peace of mind moving forward. 

Generally speaking, we can hold grudges for the rest of our lives if we want, but it won’t help us to live free; it will make us miserable and stuck on repeat in life. Time on this earth is limited and unpredictable, so I personally believe that we don’t have the time to be carrying such a heavy load. 

The same person that you are holding malice towards tomorrow, may be gone tomorrow—is it really worth it to punish them with unforgivenss? Only you can decide, but in order to live free, you have to forgive. 

Lighten the load—you’ll thank me later.

From my journey to yours.