Im so over this “strong black woman” label. 

It’s basically a set up for Black woman to fail in relationships because it’s being constantly taken out of context. 

This label gives the impression to others that Black women are almost “super human”, because we can go through just about anything, and not be effected by the situation. 

This perception allows others to think that we are the drop center that houses everyone’s problems, while ours many of the times, go unnoticed. It also creates a lack of empathy towards Black woman because people don’t expect us to have vulnerable moments. 

When they perceive us as the “Strong Black Woman”, we are seen as the fixers, the problem solvers—the women who can take all kinds of bullshit, and not break. 

Are we resilient? Yes, we are! 

Can we be strong when we need to be? Of course! 

However, that’s just the point— when we “need” to be, not because we always “want” to be.

Society gave Black women this label because we had to be strong to sustain the dynamics of the home.

Let me explain.

Society’s perception of the strong Black woman emerged in the 1970’s. 

This was a time when Black families were being torn apart mainly due to deindustrialization and mass incarceration at least in the Americas (from what I’ve studied). As a result, men were losing their jobs and being sent to prison at a higher rate in comparisons to their white counterparts. This unfortunately caused the breakdown of the Black family.

This era forced the Black woman to take on the additional role of the father in the home. She became the provider and protector, all the while still trying to be the mother. If she was going to fully be able to tend to the needs of her children, she had to put her concerns aside most of the time. 

The mothers in this era were in complete survival mode. There was no time to be vulnerable, no time to connect with their divine self—just straight hustling and grinding all day for her family. 

In this moment, the women needed to be strong. 

But did they want to be, and continue to be, for the decades to follow? 

I don’t think so. But— that’s just my observation.

I believe when Black women had to wear many caps in their homes, it hindered their ability to be vulnerable. The responsibility of having to take on many roles at once was frustrating and overwhelming. They didn’t have an outlet to release their feelings and emotions, so suppression became their coping mechanism, and eventually this behaviour transcended to their daughters, and then their daughter’s daughters. 

Black women were no longer given the space to exercise their feminine energy, and the behaviours they used to survive became their identity.

Some women relinquished these behaviours when a good man came into the picture because the need to provide and protect was no longer their responsibility. Therefore, they could let down their guard, share their feelings, and show some emotions. 

Black women aren’t superhuman, emotionless women who lack vulnerability. It’s just that some have been operating in survival mode and continue to feed into the notion of the “Strong Black Woman”. 

What makes us Strong isn’t what society has led us to believe, or the injustices that caused us to operate in survival mode— What makes us strong is our ability to open up and be our true selves, even in moments of uncertainty on how we will be received.

I hope this brings some answers to your “why”, if your struggling with being vulnerable as a Black woman. 

Know that you don’t have to carry the burden of everyone’s problems, you can ask for help, and you can express yourself when you are going through shit in life.

K.G