Learn The Lesson, Pass The Test, Receive The Blessing

Hey readers,

It’s been about three weeks since I disconnected from my Instagram platforms. I spent time reflecting as I prepared myself to begin my final chapter of book 30. 

Yes— each decade for my life has been a book in my head!

I thought about how my thirties started, and where I’m on this journey today—to look back has been so humbling. 

When I started chapter one of Book Thirty, I was in the healing phase of my life. I was grieving. I was broken in different areas of my life. I had to let go of so many relationships that weren’t healthy. I mended broken relationships. I forgave some people I thought I would never speak to again. I loved again. I made some mistakes, and my greatest accomplishment of this decade has been my two healthy beautiful identical twin boys, Isi and Ez. They are the sweetest joy! 

There is more to speak on, but I will save that for later. 

Either way I’m still here— and as I begin to close this decade of my life, I want to do so in the best way that allows me to further my mission on this platform.

So, let’s continue!

These are the lessons I learned in my thirties (keep in mind that these are not in order):

Lesson 1 – Seek God first in all things that you do, and he will pave the way.

If you told me this as a teen, I would’ve rolled my eyes. 

I had to take this lesson so many times before I actually passed the test and made it a part of my daily routine. Now, if you’re not a believer, you won’t have a clue what I’m speaking about and that is fine (I still encourage you to continue reading), but to those that are; if you want to be in a constant chaos of unnecessary matters—stay doing things in your own understanding instead of seeking God first.

Take it from me, when I was, and sometimes I still, get caught up in my emotions and respond quickly, it has only dramatized what could’ve been a simple moment in life. So, before I respond, give advice, make a decision, or listen, I do my best to seek God’s wisdom.

Now that I enter most things with prayer (that’s how I seek God first), it is a growing habit that has given me clear understanding and peace in different areas of my life. However, to get here, a relationship with God is the only way—and that’s what I was missing. Now that I have it and it continues to develop, I do my best to seek Him first as I go along in my everyday life.

Lesson 2: When a man is indecisive about moving forward in the relationship, let him go!

If you have read my previous blog (Father’s Daughter Part 6), I was dealing with a man who was very indecisive, and what I came to realize is that in the end, I served more as a convenience to him, instead of the excuses he was giving me to keep me around. This doesn’t take away from his good qualities though, as two things can exist at once (read the blog). However, I should’ve let him go earlier than I did, instead of living with the fear of abandonment that I so often times did when dating men in my twenties.

After several confusing behaviours from this guy, I learned through that connection that when a man is indecisive, you have let him go, and move forward—especially when you know you want to be in a secure relationship and have children, be a wife and continue your life with someone. There is a time limit for women biologically, whether we accepted it or not, we don’t have time to waste. Take it from my experience: an indecisive man = let him go, BYEEE! And it is important to do so in faith and not out of fear, and with the understanding that if we’re meant to be, we’ll find our way back to one another.

Lesson 3: To create healthy relationships learn your place in people’s life and place them in your life accordingly.

Over the years, I let the wrong people into some private areas of my life. I shared things that I should’ve never shared with any of them, and at times, I misinterpreted the relationship with a few people. Looking back, I realized that many people over the years were just associates, and some should’ve been acquaintances, and this is fine, as not everyone is meant to be your friend. I had to learn this lesson over and over again, until I finally became more observant of the nature of each of my relationships. I was too quick to give people a close space in my life when it wasn’t that kind of connection. Therefore, I had to reposition people in my life and came to accept that I’d used the word Friend to loosely.

So now, before I go labelling relationships as more than what they are, I observe, and learn my place in people’s life, and from there I will know how to position them in mine.

Lesson 4: Sometimes, to carry out a vision, you have to walk alone in the beginning.

Every vision I had when it pertained to me doing something in my late twenties, heading into my early thirties, I had a habit of bringing people along the way with me. I believed, like the saying goes, “if you want to go fast go alone, but if you want to go far, go together”. I believe my visions were for the long run, so I thought I needed a team, which many of the times you actually do. But, after a few failed attempts, I fully accepted that sometimes you have to start alone, until you meet the right people along the way, who understand and respect the vision enough to help you carry it. By being too inclusive, there is a great possibility that you let the wrong people in on your plans; some people just like the sound of a great idea and want to attach themselves to where they think you’re going, or where the vision can take them. 

To summarize: it is important to discern people’s true intentions before inviting them into your personal space and creative nature; are they for the vision, or are they for themselves?

Lesson 5: Keep your relationship to yourself and God.

When things are going wrong in your relationship, I’ve learned that the best thing to do is pray. 

If you are blessed enough to have someone that can offer you wise counsel without bias, that you trust wholeheartedly, then try them too. However, I wouldn’t take it beyond those perimeters. I learned that most people respond to your situation from their own experiences, some just listen because your relationship has now become their entertainment, and they are bored in their own lives, and then there are those gems, the ones that do their best to help you out as much as they can –life savers! 

Now for myself, I will go in prayer, and God’s universe will show me the answers.

Lesson 6: To enjoy life, you have to surrender.

It took me a long time to learn this one.

Since I experienced a lot of trauma at very young age, I struggled with letting go, and ultimately, this led to more trauma— it’s a vicious cycle!  I had to learn the art of letting go, and it was not easy in the beginning, but my perseverance is what helped me make surrendering a skill I use when things are not in my power to change, and now life has been so much more enjoyable.

What I’ve been learning since I started this journey is that life is growing me up daily. This experience called life is constantly teaching me lessons to shape the person that God created me to be. As I continue to live, I will have to learn lessons, then be put to the test, and if I don’t pass the test, I will take it over and over again; and that’s how I evolve, and that’s when I receive my blessings.

From my journey to yours.

Keemah G