Matching energy is a terminology that has been widely used across social media platforms. The term can be vocalized in a TikTok or Instagram Reels rant, a Facebook or an Instagram quote; it’s a term that people have been demonstrating to others mainly because they feel they’re being disrespected, mistreated and/or misused by a person. 

So, instead of looking past the energy that the person is giving off, they decide they will match it— I see this as being quite immature and petty.

There was a point in my life where I was contemplating matching people’s energy. I was like, “I’m gonna start treating people the way they treat me and I don’t care, because people know what they’re doing when they do certain things”. I was tired of giving more and receiving less. I was tired of the showing up for others, but when I needed people to show up for me, those same people were missing in action.

I was tired of the lack of reciprocity, and people just wanting to take, take, take! That “take the high road” characteristic of mine was slowly fading away. So, I decided to “match energy” by treating them exactly how they were treating me.

However, it was short-lived because who they were, was not who I was. I was me, authentically me, good or bad—I tend to remain true to the phrase, “what you see, is what you get”. Plus, I was never a follower. I was matching their energy in hopes that they would see exactly how their behaviours made me feel at times, in hopes that they would change. 

Silly me, to think people would actually change for me. The only thing that arose from this child-like behaviour of mine was increased tension between the person and I. After realizing I was uncomfortable behaving in such a childish manner I learned something…

I learned that a simple conversation can bring awareness to the person about behaviours that they may not be privy to, and it also teaches them how to treat me. This is definitely the case of a mature relationship, as I know sometimes people make it very hard for others to express themselves when they are being confronted. Writing from experience, confrontation is not easy to do, nor is it comfortable to be on the receiving end, but every now and then it needs to happen in a relationship to gain clarity about sudden changes in a person’s demeanour or actions. If I have to change who I am to get people to treat me the way I want –that’s too much. 

The only person I should change for is myself. If I become the very same thing that I don’t like, what does that say about me? To hell with matching energy—that’s just stirring more toxicity. Instead, have a conversation, let the person know how you feel and what they did to offend you, hurt you, or whatever. If the person is mature enough, some clarity can emerge from what most of the time is an innocent misinterpretation. 

Then, there is the case where the person isn’t mature at all, and they’ll make it about themselves and deflect when you confront them. This is no shame to people who do this, or struggle with this, because I’ve been there a time or two, it just means that their eternal struggles are stronger than their ability to want to create peace. I learned not to take this personal because confrontation isn’t a relaxed interaction.

In life, we can’t expect people to be who they can’t be; we have to give people the space to be themselves, but when we learn who they are, we have to place them in our lives accordingly for what works best for our peace of mind. Matching energy changes nothing, it’s an instant response that brings forth more tension and doesn’t add peace to our lives. It’s basically saying I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling, so I will act out—it’s passive aggressive. At the end of the day, the choice always boils down to us, but I chose peace a few years ago and this is what give me a peace of mind. 

From my journey to yours

Keemah G

Photo by Anete Lusina from Pexels