If I had to do my sex life over again, I wouldn’t have one at all—not until I was much older, deeply self-aware, fully aligned with the person I was connecting with, and married. Yes, married.

I don’t feel this way because I was promiscuous or because I have a long list of men I wish I could erase, drowning in regret. I don’t regret my past. But in hindsight, I’ve come to believe that sex should be an act of love shared with your life partner—not just a standard step in dating. I understand that some people hold this standard and things still don’t work out for various reasons. Still, I believe dating with the intention of aligning with your life partner—marriage—should always be the goal.

That was my intention, too. But simply put, my self-worth wasn’t where it needed to be for me to hold my standards. Looking back, I can admit that emotionally, I wasn’t as mature as I needed to be, and my desire to please often overrode my boundaries.

As I began healing my inner child, staying consistent with self-development, and growing spiritually, something shifted. I no longer desired stagnant relationships—relationships where I wasn’t truly being chosen. The fleeting emotions that once led me into bed began to fade. I wanted something real. I wanted my person.

Some might say it took me years—and two children—to learn this. And to that, I say: thank God I figured it out. One thing I know now is that it’s never too late. I am not “spoiled goods” as a single mother, no matter what society—especially this modern-day noise—tries to suggest. This was simply the road I had to walk, and I carry no regrets.

Sex is powerful.

Whether you believe it or not, I know this to be true. And no one really told me this about sex… so I’m telling you.

No one told me that sex isn’t just physical—it’s spiritual, emotional, and deeply energetic. Yet society, especially the one we live in today, pushes the idea that having multiple partners and acting impulsively is liberating. I don’t believe that. To me, true liberation is having no vices—and sex can easily become one of the most powerful vices there is.

What I’ve observed is that we often fail to acknowledge the depth of sex—the consequences, the meaning, the weight of it. Culturally, many of us are taught that sex is casual, expected, even harmless. I disagree. What’s often missing are real conversations about the emotional and spiritual impact of sex.

I had to learn that when we give our bodies away, we often tie ourselves to that person emotionally. And when someone forms an emotional connection with you, they can influence your life—especially as women. That’s why I believe that before we get into bed with someone, we should understand who they are emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And the only way to truly do that is to take our time.

I’ve also observed that the emotional imprint of a casual encounter doesn’t just disappear when the relationship ends—it lingers. So imagine how many emotions people carry into their present lives from past connections. Think about that.

Sex is deeply spiritual. If people truly understood this—on a level that could be felt, not just heard—they would approach it with far more intention. It’s more than a physical act; it’s an exchange of energy. Not just bodies—but spirits.

Some people think sex is just a moment. But what many fail to realize is how much they absorb in that moment. When we connect with someone intimately, we take on parts of their emotional state, their intentions, their energy—what I like to call their spirit. That exchange can leave you feeling either fulfilled… or completely drained and confused.

If someone is emotionally healthy, grounded in good intentions, and carries positive energy, you’ll likely feel that. But if they’re emotionally unstable, misaligned, or operating from a place of negativity—girl, you’ll feel that too. And not just in the moment, but throughout the entire relationship.

From my experience, not everyone you connect with is aligned with you. And you’ll know that—not by rushing into intimacy—but by observing them. Taking your time reveals everything.

When sex isn’t at the forefront, you’re able to think clearly. You make decisions from logic, not emotion, because if you don’t know, sex can cloud judgment and blur reality. This is why I encourage people to take their time! 

Being intentional about who you share that level of intimacy with can protect your emotional state. It can keep you grounded, whole—and prevent unhealthy energy from entering your life.

When I began to understand all of this, I did try to move differently—even before I had my children. But life didn’t unfold the way I planned. Still, the lesson remains.

And when I choose to date again, I’ll carry these same standards with me—this time without abandoning them for my emotions.

Here’s my perspective now…

Part 2 coming Sunday.