Place people in your life accordingly

I believe that relationships are so important for our journey, as they allow  us to learn about ourselves and grow at the same time. 

I have faith in knowing that this earth is designed for us to bond with each other and experience life together. Relationships have a way of unveiling who we are, both negative and positive. It offers us a sense of belonging that is crucial to our development and mental wellness. Life without relationships would be pretty lonely and boring, but we also don’t need a grand entourage surrounding us either. 

While completing a paper in my BSW program, I learned that relationships have a great impact on our mental health. Relationships can either be a major support to mental wellness, or they can be a detriment, it all depends on the types of relationships we entertain. It also depends on knowing how to place people in your life accordingly, which has been a struggle for me in the past. 

Over the years I’ve trusted the wrong people, shared things with the wrong people and was too quick to give a person the role as a friend in my life. I learned the hard way that not every person in my life was meant to be placed in the category of a Friend. Misplacing people in my life is where I would run into problems with certain “peers” because not everyone in my life was destined to be placed in that category. I had to figure out my relationships because I was tired of the unnecessary drama.

In 2017, Sistah Inica (my girl’s mother) called me. She told me that my mother came to her in a dream. She figured that the only reason why she came to her was because she used to be friends with her when she was alive, and now I know her and trust her spiritually. That morning she was able to prophesise things about me that no one knew I was going through or feeling—and in the end, she told me to pray for discernment in my relationships. 

She expressed that this will help me to place people in my life appropriately —because there are people in my life who basically do not fit the criteria to be there. And, by discerning the people in my life I will gain a clear understanding of who needs to be demoted, promoted or even let go. 

As she was telling me that I should reflect on my relationships and make changes, all I thought about was my grandmother. My grandmother told me years ago that if you have one best friend, that’s all you really need and two— you’re truly blessed.

 As much as I thought I understood what she was saying, I only really came to understand this in my thirties, and even more after speaking to Sistah Inica. This doesn’t mean I applied these teaching right away, because change takes a bit of time, but trust and believe I started praying. 

A big part of me knowing how to place people in my life came from me understanding the different relationships in my life and then defining what a friend meant for me. I realized that even though people may not fit the description of a friend, this doesn’t mean we can’t  have a relationship; they just have to go into a different category.

This brings me to the four categories of friendships I have seen on Instagram in a Reel that helped me to place people in my life. I had them placed in my mind, but I never had names for the placements until I saw this video and it’s been helping me a lot.

1. Acquaintances

• Surface level

• Friend of a friend

• Casually cross paths

• Follow each other on social media

• You like what they represent, but you don’t know them

2. Associates

• Build a bond through experiences together: work, school, gym etc.

• Compatible with to eat lunch, grab a coffee etc. 

• Feel familiar because of the same experience

3. Girls/Boys – Close friends

• Dependable friends

• The ones that are consistent and show up

• They care about keeping you in their lives

• Trust their judgement because they have your best interest in mind

• You are intentional about quality time

• They hold you accountable and tell you the truth

• They give you advice and hold a safe place

4. Best friend

• They know everything about you

• Ride or Die

• You can be yourself around them

• No awkwardness or weird energy when together

• NEVER second guess their intentions 

• No fear of judgement you can tell them anything

• Communicate effortlessly

• You get eachother

By a certain age, I think it’s imperative for your mental wellness and growth process to know the company you keep. Life is already hard enough out here, and some things we can’t control, but what we can, we should — and relationships are ones of those things we can control. So, place people in your life accordingly and watch how your life gets better—you can thank me later!

From my journey to yours.

Love, Kee.