Last May, I sat on the beach in Boca Raton, Florida, looking out at the ocean, listening to the waves and speaking to God.
I spoke to God about a few things, but mainly about motherhood.
That day I told God I wanted healthy relationships in my life. I wanted to be a wife, as getting engaged was something I was speaking about with my man at the time. I spoke to God about having so many creative ideas, but yet still not being able to completely narrow down what exactly was my purpose. That day, I prayed for God to give me clarity on making the proper decisions in life— to be able to operate with purpose.
Lastly, I spoke to God about being a mother. Motherhood was always something I wanted to experience, however, I worried if I would be able to carry a child due to my fibroids. Despite having the surgery in 2018 to remove them from my uterus, three years later they resurfaced.
When I learned that they came back and there were more fibroids, it was quite discouraging and heavily affected my emotions. Before and after the surgery, I stressed about when it would be my turn to have children and every now and then, I was met with tears to accompany my emotions.
As I sat there on the beach, I made peace in my heart, that motherhood might not happen for me. I told God, “if it’s not in the plans that He has for my life, I’ll be fine and I completely surrender to His will and what He has for me in this life”.
In that moment and thereon after, I was not thinking of motherhood. I figured instead of harping over something that may not be in my path, I should focus on what is; like, being an amazing auntie, and Godmother, family and travelling.
When I left Florida, I was in a good place in my relationship, so I went back home with the goal to focus on that and the things that were working in my life. Approximately six weeks later, I found out I was pregnant, and three weeks following, I learned that I was going to be a mother to not only one child, but two –twins!
Now, did it happen the way I planned, absolutely not. I wanted to be married before having children. I wanted to be in the best space in my relationship at that time. Unfortunately, my plans did not play out the way I wanted them to. However, it is without a doubt—these two little boys are here for a great purpose.
Ultimately, when you surrender to the will that God has for your life, you’ll be surprised what He has in store for you on your journey.
I learned that surrendering will bring you closer to your true identity. When I surrendered to the idea of maybe not becoming a mother, God showed me that motherhood is actually a part of my journey. And, through motherhood, I’m learning more, and more about the person God created me to be.
If I stayed focused and stressed about becoming a mother, and never surrendered, I believe that I would have hindered my own growth. I say this because if I never let go, I will never discover what the other chapters in my life have in store, and how those chapters could unveil more of who I am.
Even when it doesn’t go in the order that I planned, or better put— what God wanted for my life; God has a way of turning things around in His favour. He is aligns you back on the path that He has designed for your life.
And, like my brother in God once told me, when I was worried about having my boys out of wedlock. He said, “Kee it may not be in the right frame, but God always has a way of painting the perfect picture”, and God has definitely painted the perfect picture which are my boys.
From my journey to yours.
Love, Kee!
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