I was tired of the disappointment! i could not understand how l would constantly find myself in the same situations that l knew only made me feel like less than who l was…situations that would only leave me feeling like shit!

I was mistreating myself. I was doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome. Was I insane? No. So why the hell was I caught in the same cycle?

I was becoming my own worst enemy. The only way to get my answer was to figure out what made me get into these situation in the first place. I had to be brutally honest about many things: the good, the bad and the ugly sides of me. I had to piece together things that I had put aside and pretended did not bother me. I had to be truthful with myself. For me, this was the scariest part.

After shedding many tears, once I looked at certain aspects of my life, I was no longer able to put on that “I am always good” attitude. I was no longer able to be a source of support for everyone else while I was breaking down on the sidelines.  I was giving in to others while giving up on myself. Everything I pushed aside and pretended did not have an effect on me, actually did. The anger and sadness from the struggles in my life were buried deep down inside and when it came up it was like years of bottled regurgitation.

All these thoughts and feeling came over me one day when I was going for my morning walk…So there I was by the bicycle path, overlooking the water, when I realized I need some fixing. But I had to figure shit out first. At that moment I said, “Either life will take me for a ride or I have to take life for a ride”. So, I decided to commit to a journey of self-discovery. When I first embarked on this journey, I came to understand that I was a broken girl, and along the way, I discovered what made me one and why.

Truth be told, there was a combination of tears, anger and a sense of failure. In that moment, while overlooking the water, I decided that I refused to let myself be a victim of my circumstances any longer. Rather, I wanted to become the pilot of my own life. But before that could happen, I had to acknowledge and heal from the root causes that led to me being a broken girl.

Tune in next week to second part of this series – Part 2: Broken From What?